Lucy's Ditty

at the local organic horticultural show, green fingered lucy ditty
had brought no prize veg to display - explaining "it's such a pity!
i have grown the most succulent sweetcorn and a giant marrow
but how could i transport them? i don't even own a wheelbarrow!
i strapped a sturdy basket to my back and filled it with my tasty crop
but i had been digging so much i had no strength left and thought i'd drop.
If only I had a fairy garden mothers gift, like the tale of Cinderella's pumpkin
that could carry me and my harvest in style - "oh don't be such a bumpkin"
said her cousin, on a visit from the bustling nearby town of convenience food.
"oh, sod off you city slicker, said Lucy, "you don't know it all and you're rude!
You'd be very surprised if you knew the magic that happens in tending the land.
Change out of your smart clothes, high heels, put on some wellies, give me a hand!"
Well Lucy Ditty's urban and perfectly manicured relative snootily turned up her nose,
which made Lucy (and would have made me) want to drench her with the hose.
But just at this time, a garden imp (who lived inside an old, rusty bucket)
had been listening to all this, and decided to intervene, saying "oh, fuck it!
humans are hopeless at times, and need some enchanted assistance!"
So she chucked a handful of fairy dust, and flew off into the distance.
A soft breeze danced in the air, and Lucy's cuz breathed it in without knowing
and that night, dreamed of the earth's deep womb and seeds that were growing.
A terrible sadness and loss gripped her soul, ancient yearnings filled her mind.
When Lucy arose in the morning, Cuz had planted ten packets of seeds, neatly lined.
"You should take them out of the packets, first, ideally" Lucy Ditty kindly advised
"but, never mind, you seem to have been seized by the gardening bug - I'm surprised!"
"Well, I felt such a compulsion" said the girl - " I think nature called out to my heart."
"That's great" said Lucy, "unfortunate that you trampled my lettuces, but I guess it's a start!"
"Well, I saw they were being feasted on by nasty, fat slugs, so I put on my high heels
and spiked them! Then I tore down that bamboo, to bend it and make barrow wheels!"
"Shit, the bamboo was stakes for growing my peas and beans" said Lucy, "but not to worry;
I guess we could make a wheelbarrow and still get to the veggie show, if we hurry!
But first, I do have some further gardening tips for you and sensible advice to suggest.
Although I am sure it is liberating to be gardening naked, it helps to be practically dressed -
to wear only stilettos, well, dear - I think you will get stung, bitten and nastily scratched!
"Oh I was in such a hurry, Lucy, "Cuz said, "for just wait till you hear the plan I have hatched!
We can use these improvised wheels to make a cart, then borrow the neighbour's lawnmower,
and build from it an air born machine to pull the cart, propelled even faster with their leaf blower!
Or - you see where you have grown those potatoes, in that stack of inside out tyres?
They're Michellin, and look in good enough knick - let's use them, we'll be such high flyers!
"Oh, that's how I always grow tatties", said Luce, "and anyway I'm not really that fussed
about going to the show now, but I do think you must have been sprinkled with fairy dust.
But, in any case, I do really need a good, sturdy barrow, or some kind of truck or cart -
but slow down, a bit, please, just stop pulling my cold frames and compost bin apart!"
"Oh, but if we use this aluminium, glass and black plastic sections, we can make solar power!"
Meanwhile, the naughty yet benevolent imp was observing all this, perched on top of a tall sunflower.
The mischievous imp laughed her pixie boots off when she saw how they finally invented
a flying barrow from trellis, an old strimmer and a garden bench - "How very demented!"
"But gardening's not all about gadgets and gizmos" said Lucy - it's about honest toil and graft."
"Oh, never mind, sweetie, I don't want to be a gardener anymore" said her cousin, who'd gone quite daft.
"You grow the nice floral arrangements and salads, and I'll be an inventor and weird stuff designer!"
And now Lucy has a unique new shed, and polytunnel too, made from garden junk and her auntie is learning to be a water diviner.

(for Lucy - by eva day)