I decided that since I am too often apparently symbiotically plugged in to my laptop and emotionally chained to it and so to the world wide web ... I would attempt to break this addiction. Perhaps there is still life beyond the internet? Therefore I decided to limit my daily time on line, and to take my attention elsewhere.... On day one of this new regime, so far it's going... crap.... and I am doing ... lousy at it. I keep thinking of just one person I must catch up with, just one more thing I want to check out. Bloody Hell, how the hell did people manage before the Industrial and Technological Revolutions? To find out more about this, and to discover if there really is still life beyond the portal of the laptop screen... I decided to do some direct and experiential research. So I went time travelling. Of course I had to enter space-time continuum over-ride via my computer, thus providing myself with yet another neat paradox among the many that form my daily life.
Anyway - here is an extract from my notes and observations from time travelling, an account of an event I witnessed first hand.
(This piece was inspired by a joint enterprise between myself and kooky pal AnnaMaRou, as we are sharing some creative writing practice on different themes. For this one, we chose anything we like which is around the theme of bored, boredome, boring etc.... Why would a Hep C patient think of that, I wonder??)
Ok, so here is the Tale of Two Boring Bastards
A Tale of Two Boring Bastards
In 1798, General Ted Ious Dunderhead of Dullardo (on the northern peninsula) insulted Field Marshal Horrid Lee-Stuffshirt during a game of dominoes in which they both only had one piece each, owing to the shortage of dots at the time. After they had both repeatedly picked up and replaced their domino on the table about 156 times, General Dunderhead remarked "By God, Sir, Your strategy and technique in this game is damnedly abysmal and playing with you is worse than watching the paint dry on the canvas after Remnant Brain the DoubleDutch painted my extremely boring portrait......"
"The plague of a thousand utterly pointless moments on you, Sir!" droned Stuffshirt. "To be even in the same room with you is to feel ennui freeze the last remaining brain cell I had left, after a war surgeon amputated the rest of them following The Great Battle of Bollocks..... " and he rolled his eyes slowly and sighed a slow sigh. "What a total waste of space you are sir, why to look at your foolish face in person is even worse than to have had the lack-lustre experience of seeing that dreadful and dire portrait..." and he picked up one of his wet socks (for he had hung his up by the fire to dry, it being a very boring rainy day) and slapped General Dunderhead across the chops with it."In your face!! Your boring face.... I challenge you to a dual !" he said.
"Choose your weapon!!" mumbled Dunderhead, with a flat voice and complete lack of real interest or enthusiasm "Devil take me, I have fought so many cretins like you - I shall be glad to put an end to you and any prospects you may have had of bringing more fools, dullards and dead-brains into this world!!"
"I shall bore you death!!" drawled the Field Marshall laconically. "For that is all you deserve, you cad. No, you shall not die an honourable death by the knife or the bullet. You will die a curs death grovelling in bored misery while I grind you down with tedious lists and military facts which I shall recite to you...."
"By Zeus!" grumbled General Ted ... " You insufferable boar, I will read to you the latest chapter from my autobiography......."
"Why you arrogant little prig" said old Stuffo, "I shall......
But nobody knows what terrible fate he was about to describe to his adversary, as suddenly at that moment, a third man stood up (he had been playing cards, with a small group of friends on the other side of the salon) and shouted "Shut Up You Pair of Boring Old Bastard Gits!"....
and pulling out a pair of pistols from a holster beneath his rather splendid Regency jacket - he shot them both dead.
THE END
You see?? None of those three had internet access - if they had done, it might have provided a distraction and this horrible scenario would never have unfolded. Or they could have Had other technology such as Playstation or X-Box and had their duel via gaming in a virtual world...
May The Powers That Be Bless Your UPS - eva day xx
1 comment:
maybe in the end it's better we do have internet instead of getting so bored as to kill one another over some silly thing?? LOL sometimes i do wonder what people used to do when there was no electricity, i guess farmers had their hands full with tending to fields and livestock but what about middle and upper classes? how did they keep themselves busy? it would be interesting to go back in time and spend a day exactly like they used to :))
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